Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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