I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
