I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
