It's like a parade of train wrecks.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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