More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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