Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
