All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
