Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
