Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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