I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
