I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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