Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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