oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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