Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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