he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
