You can't special order awesome
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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