He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
