ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
