Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
