We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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