You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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