i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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