you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Be still, my beating vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
