well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
