I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
