I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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