After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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