Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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