There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
