Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
