So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
