I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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