so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
