She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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