he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
