we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
