omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
