69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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