Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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