I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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