he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
