Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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