i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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