I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
