Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Found your bra
Hanging in the tree
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
