think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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