I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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