its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
