Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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