just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
