Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
