Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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