you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
