my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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