What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
bring money and cleavage
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
