i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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