i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
