How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
