A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
