im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Come see our sink grown plant.
I understand Curling. That high.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
