It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
