my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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