someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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