Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
