I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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