so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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