I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
