Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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