Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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