the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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