I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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