Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I had to cum in my sink.
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