She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
