I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
