Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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