Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Farmville is her only friend.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
