he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
