I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
