idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
