Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
