so explain again why im purple
no
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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